Fantasticaliciousuperish Theories: Jesus was gay

Jesus Christ, the Savior of the Christians, was romantically and partly erotically attracted to men. Fishermen, namely. Of his 12 disciples, several of them were bearded fishermen. Some of them probably already had wives, yet others had not. Maybe conspiracy theorists are wrong, and the Priory of Sion is not keeping the descendants of Jesus and Mary Magdalene, but in fact protecting pornographic stone-imagery depicting what really went down during Jesus’ baptisement or whatever.

Interesting.

People are always afraid of the unknown. And for some reason, people are also always afraid of homosexuals. Especially if they have status, because as soon as they come out of the closet (like Elton John) they risk losing it all, much to the despair of the die-hard mega fans like Chris Crocker. Elton John didn’t lose squat though, because he was already a suspected gay since birth. Moving on.

When people are afraid of homosexuals, and the homosexuals are afraid of the people who are afraid of homosexuals, Then the people who are afraid of homosexuals are homophobic; and if they have homicidal/regicidal tendencies then they are a threat to society as a whole. Especially because they are often closeted homosexuals trying to feed their manly ego with anti-homosexual behavior. As it is, it seems, ‘gangsta’ to be homophobic and inhumanly cruel to anyone (or anything, including computers) that can read. And just to clarify, being ‘gangsta’ equals being cool right now but I will go in-depth on that at another date.

How would the world look now if Jesus was homosexual, and we knew it from Day One?

First of all, everyone in the Western world would be homosexuals. Anyone who converted would gayizise whatever religion they chose. Hitler would’ve slain straight people instead of homosexuals, but the Jews would still have been slaughtered (o, it’s always on the Jews). People wearing turban would probably be ‘fabulouzzz’ and it would be mandatory to add at least fifteen <3’s to your e-mails and text messages. In fact, your Windows Vista Sensual Edition would be the ONLY edition passing through quality assurance, while Apple would be shunned ’cause of being a homophobic company. Niké sweatshops in India would be a highly favoured job, poverty would not exist because stereotypical gay people are generous and the Christian would go extinct in around 2056 due to a complete lack of women, as they were all slain at some point in history due to the fact that there were no use for them. Except procreation, but half of the world’s population don’t even know what that means.

So, if Jesus was homosexual then the world would be ruled by the Chinese, the muslims and Saddam Hussein in around 2056.

Period.